- Claire Volkman was divorced and spent the next year traveling to 20 countries.
- Some of the encounters during her travels through Asia, South America and Australia led to more pain.
- Volkman, now 39, met her second husband on a dating app after she returned to the US.
It was a hot afternoon in Ho Chi Minh City. I was sitting on the edge of my hotel bed, scrolling through Instagram, ready to go for a hot bowl of phở, when I got a buzz. A six-word text from my then-husband that no one wants to read: “I think we need to talk.”
On that day in September 2016, when I realized my marriage was over, I had no time to grieve. I was in Vietnam, about to embark on an eight-day reporting assignment. I called my parents and asked if they could meet me in Charleston after the trip.
My parents and best friend helped me move out of the home I had shared with my husband of almost 10 years. It took two days to accumulate nine years of memories. With no place to live and no longer understanding who I was, I did the only thing I could think of: I ran.
I traveled to Myanmar, Colombia and 20 other countries in 12 months. What I thought would be a year of escape turned into a transformative adventure.
Finding my feet in Myanmar and South America
Two days after I left, I was on a flight to Myanmar for a two-week hiking, biking and rafting trip. Alongside five strangers who quickly felt like family, my journey to find myself again began. I found solace in the golden glow of Shwedagon Pagoda at sunset. I laughed drinking cheap beers in small village restaurants while cycling from Mandalay to Meiktila.
I was too tired every night to think, dwell or feel much about anything. Every morning I woke up, I felt a little more like myself.
During the two weeks I spent at home for Thanksgiving, reliving the divorce and having to tell my whole family what happened, I found myself jumping into the online dating scene.
I met a man online, based in the US, and we stayed in touch after I left to travel through South America. We talked for hours on Facetime as I sat in airports waiting for flights.
After a day of hiking through the jungles of Colombia, I reread his messages before bed, getting butterflies each time. After four days of blistering heat, mosquito bites and blisters, I felt something I hadn’t felt in years: pride.
I stood atop the ancient ruins of Ciudad Perdida, soaked in sweat but glowing with triumph. And the first person I called after a shower and a much-needed change out of dirty hiking clothes was him.
Being alone helped me heal
I was too naive to know it wouldn’t last. I had such hope that we would survive the crash in real life, with him juggling his schedule by working in a hospital and me traveling from place to place without an address.
Sadly, it didn’t work out and our relationship ended as quickly as it began. After the breakup, I went on a cruise through the Middle East. I felt alone the whole trip. I would walk the streets of Muscat – wandering through bustling markets, looking for ways to feel alive again. I rode camels into the Doha desert, smiling for what felt like the first time in weeks.
In the next phase of my journey, I began to find some of my enthusiasm again. I traveled to Australia and spent days enjoying the wine in the Yarra Valley and walking the grass all night in Melbourne. I was laughing again. I let myself have a one night stand with a chef I just met – and I enjoyed every second of it.
From there, I headed from Melbourne to LA to Hong Kong, where I found myself with multiple dinner reservations and not a single person to dine with. To avoid another night alone, I found a match on Bumble. Eager to enjoy a free meal at a 4-star Michelin restaurant in Hong Kong, he joined for another whirlwind date.
He was charming, an expat from England who helped fill the void of being alone. It was the first and only time I “Bumbled out”. After that, I met an Australian while traveling through Bali and Lombok. At the end of the trip, we were determined to make it work and said our tearful goodbyes. It didn’t last.
I realized I had to focus on myself. Why was I so afraid to be alone? As a writer living paycheck to paycheck with no health insurance, I couldn’t afford therapy. Instead, I boarded another plane. This time in Iceland.
The author went on an expedition cruise around Greenland. Claire Volkman
Finding my fear in Greenland
On an expedition cruise around Greenland, I was inspired by some of the older writers I encountered. They weren’t just successful journalists; they were strong, powerful and single women whose worth was based on their careers and achievements.
Their wisdom, along with the landscapes of Greenland and Norway, showed me how resilient I could be. I was determined to focus on my goals and worth outside of a relationship.
After that trip, I sold stories to the media I had always dreamed of writing and found myself with more back-to-back adventures to end the year.
In Indiana, I gave it another shot and scrolled through the matches on the dating app Coffee Meets Bagel, until a guy caught my eye. The photos were cute: riding a camel in Morocco, drinking tea in Jordan, and adventuring around Japan. I figured a date couldn’t hurt, so we met in Chicago on our way to China for work.
It was the beginning of the end for me – the end of singlehood.
What I learned
I learned that heartbreak doesn’t just open you up—it splits you wide enough to allow something new and better to take root. That year of travel taught me to trust myself, say yes more, and embrace the messiness of life.
And now, years later, as I sit next to my husband and our 6-year-old and look back on that whirlwind year, I can’t help but smile and wish a little for the freedom I felt. Sometimes, you have to lose yourself to truly find your way.
Do you have a personal essay about lessons learned while traveling that you want to share? Contact the editor: akarplus@businessinsider.com.
