- Dr. Dhivya Srinivasa is a double board certified surgeon who runs a private practice in California.
- Srinivasa had three children while pursuing her medical career and is glad she didn’t delay motherhood.
- She shares how she manages her busy schedule by prioritizing specific events with her children.
This essay is based on a conversation with Dr. Dhivya Srinivasa, a California-based breast reconstruction surgeon. Business Insider has verified her employment with documentation. The following has been edited for length and clarity.
Some moms are at every PTA meeting, class party, and basketball game. Then, they are cooking dinner when their kids get home. You won’t find me doing all of that – and it doesn’t mean I love my kids any less.
I grew up with a doctor as a mother. She had me and my siblings during her stay. When I was born in India, my father told my mother that she should not give up her career and they would make it work.
I grew up with strong examples of working parents and hope to pass that on to my children. You can balance a career with parenting, and what being an involved parent can look like is evolving.
I have often felt misunderstood as a parent in my work environment
When I got pregnant during my fourth year of residency in 2013, I remember not wanting to tell anyone. I was the only female in my class.
I was a hard worker and a favorite of the supervising doctors, but I felt like things changed when I got pregnant.
Once during my stay, I remember being in a long operation that was running past its scheduled completion time. I told my attending doctor that I needed to leave for a prenatal appointment, which was common practice for health-related appointments.
He said: “Sometimes I feel like you book them early on purpose.” He had two children of his own and had to know that there were no dates later.
I had my first child in 2014 while working as a medical resident, and returned to work four weeks after a difficult c-section, often putting in 80 to 100 hour work weeks with a baby at home. Fortunately, I had a nanny and in-laws to support me and I completed my residency.
I had my second child in 2016 while completing a plastic and reconstructive surgery fellowship at the University of Michigan from 2015 to 2018.
After having my third child in 2020, I started working on faculty at a hospital in LA. Some doctors I worked with did not accept that I had just had a baby. I would pump in my car as there was no lactation area in the hospital. I felt that my colleagues doubted my ability, but I made it clear that being a mother only made me a better surgeon.
I am now a double board certified plastic surgeon and run my own breast reconstruction business.
Learn how to succeed at both
I started my private practice in September 2021. Now, I can be a doctor and a mother on my own terms.
I had children early in my career on purpose. My children are now five, eight and 10 years old. I didn’t want to wait and compromise my fertility for my career. I knew I could succeed at both, but it meant making sacrifices.
I had to learn where my energy was best directed. I used to prioritize pick up until I realized my kids didn’t really care about it. But I value their education, so I do my homework with them every night.
I have also learned to be proactive when choosing which of my children’s events I can attend. When I first started my practice, I didn’t block my schedule for some school events. After my older child showed me that I was missing out on these events, I began proactively blocking out time for my kids—even if it meant asking teachers for classroom activities at the beginning of the school year.
Now, I always take Halloween off for class parties and second semester field trips. At the office, we have color-coded my calendar so they are aware when a calendar event is non-negotiable and dedicated to my kids.
As my children get older, I make those decisions with input from my children about what events are most meaningful to them. I cancel work for one campus activity for kids per year. On those days, we all go out. It’s not just a stop by the school for a few minutes, we dress up and plan our activities weeks in advance.
Their excitement, and mine as well, have shown me that it’s not the number of events you attend as a parent, but your presence at the ones you can come to.
I also sacrificed at work. I transitioned into running my own practice versus the world of medical academia. In opening my practice, I had to make the difficult decision to stop working with trainees. Although I love teaching, it slows things down and I have had to prioritize family.
It takes a village – and that makes my children whole people
My husband Ravi is an interventional radiologist and professor. He’s the parent the school calls if a child needs to be picked up, because sometimes I’m in surgery. While he also works full-time, he is easier to reach because of his set office hours and less time in the operating room.
We also talk to the teachers at the beginning of the year about our arrangements so they know I won’t be available at the last minute. I love that they learn that dads can be the first point of contact, not just moms.
My kids spend almost every weekend with their grandparents and sometimes weekday evenings. they are receiving a rich education while spending time with their first-generation immigrant grandparents and have i learned things i could never teach them. This alleviates any guilt I have about my schedule.
Similarly, I have precious videos of my husband at the park with my kid that he would send me while I was working.
These sweet moments are made even sweeter by showing that my children have so many different people who love them.
