- My parents were very involved in my childhood and made sure I had endless opportunities.
- I am 27 years old and constantly fight with my parents about my decisions.
- I feel cognitive dissonance when I make choices that my parents disagree with.
I’m the youngest of two, so it’s no shock that I’m the “rebel” between me and my sister, and it definitely drives my parents crazy for it.
Despite currently living on the other side of the world (a choice they weren’t thrilled about), I still find myself arguing with them about every decision I make – my living location, my relationship, my career choices and more. .
It has put a lot of strain on our relationship, especially in adulthood.
My parents did everything right
My parents were very involved as a child, providing me with opportunities that other children never experienced. For example, when my school’s math curriculum changed in a way that my parents believed would slow the grade’s progress, they transferred me to a new school to make sure I remained challenged.
During the summer, they would find ways to enroll me in programs offered in the neighboring town that were not available in my town. This allowed me to enroll in tennis camp, take cooking classes, and become a level five swimmer—opportunities my classmates didn’t have.
In high school, they fought tirelessly at every school board meeting to save the Mandarin course I took from being cut due to budget constraints. Thanks to their relentlessness, I went on to minor in Mandarin and am currently spending a year working out of my company’s China office.
These are just a few examples of the many times my parents proved themselves overqualified for the parenting role.
My parents blame themselves when I make decisions they disagree with
To quote my mother from our most recent mouth: “I failed in my motherly duties.” This isn’t the first time I’ve heard my mom say something along those lines, but it’s another time I wholeheartedly disagree with her.
While my mom and dad will always be my parents, I’m not looking to them to pick me up from soccer practice, help me read my essays, or pay my cell phone bill. In my late 20s, I just want to know that I can go to them for sound advice when I ask for it and that they will always be in my corner.
I want a closer relationship with my parents
It is challenging to hear that my parents disagree with my choices. While they’re only trying to help, our disagreements result in a constant sense of cognitive dissonance, and instead of consulting my parents about big decisions, I tell them things after the decisions have already been made—like sky diving , moving to Philadelphia, or taking a self-guided trip to Egypt.
on time, this reluctance to share decisions that I know will be criticized has caused me to subconsciously stop sharing updates altogether. For example, I didn’t tell them when I got promoted – a moment I would normally want to celebrate with my parents. Avoiding conversations about choices they might not approve of made me overlook sharing news they would be proud of. I cringed when my dad mentioned that he found out about my promotion through LinkedIn.
The last thing I want is a strained relationship with my parents. I hope they eventually see that while I may never think like them or share all their perspectives, I am more than capable of making thoughtful, sound judgments and navigating life’s challenges – skills they have spent my entire life teaching me. I don’t expect them to agree with me all the time, but it would help if they showed confidence in my decision-making by leading with a supportive attitude and offering their concerns as suggestions to consider rather than imply that my choices are wrong or necessary. to be corrected. Constantly feeling conflicted is exhausting.
I know my parents love me deeply and only want to protect me from possible mistakes, but I wish they could see that their job now that I’m grown up, isn’t to protect me, it’s to trust the person they raised . . My choices are not a rejection of my parents’ values; they demonstrate the independence and confidence my parents instilled in me. I don’t want my parents to feel worried or guilty; I want them to be proud that I am creating a life that reflects what they have taught me and who I have become. More than anything, I want our relationship to grow stronger, built on mutual respect, trust, and the understanding that even if our paths diverge, their direction has always been—and always will be—my foundation.
