- Nicola Prentis doesn’t like to spend time messaging on dating apps and prefers to meet in person.
- She created a survey on Hinge to help her find men who are happy to meet face-to-face early.
- The survey is helping her find spontaneous men who have time to date.
I’ve noticed that people on dating apps tend to fall into two categories: “messenger” and “dater”.
The first type wants to text for a while to make sure they have enough common ground to meet in person. The second type is like me, people who want to meet face to face as soon as possible. To me, this is the only way to tell if a link is worth investing time in.
After a two-year hiatus from dating apps, the only thing I was sure of when I downloaded Hinge in 2024 was that I wanted to spend as little time chatting on the app as possible. My previous experiences with long text conversations that dragged on for weeks, only to fizzle out or lead to disappointing dates, had completely burned me out on online dating.
In the past, I brought up the idea of meeting in person when it was natural.
But even this was often a waste of time, as many men never seemed interested in a real date. Maybe they were married, or maybe they used dating apps as an ego boost or for fun on their phones.
I run my own company and work from home, which offers few opportunities to meet people organically, so I see online dating as a shortcut to meeting in real life, not a replacement for it.
To get started faster, I’ve started using one of Hinge’s prompts – the survey option – and it’s proving efficient in getting the matches I want.
The survey is simple but effective for landing an IRL date
The poll says: Do you want to meet…
a) Today?
b) Tomorrow?
c) Change the “How are you?” messages for weeks?
If someone votes for one of the first two options, I always make it a match and reply. Best of all, I can get straight to the point and make arrangements for how to meet instead of wasting time on conversation.
Dating coaches and matchmakers told Business Insider that it’s important to ask questions before the date to ensure security and compliance before agreeing to meet in person. Suggestions included looking up their last name and looking him up on LinkedIn to confirm their age and occupation, as well as a phone call before the first meeting. I only ever date in busy public places to keep myself safe.
Since I’ve found that a lot of guys I’ve talked to don’t read profiles, a survey works because it highlights the fact that I’d rather date than chat.
It’s not perfect – I don’t think any method can be in a dating app. But, so far, I’ve met more than half of the guys who took the initiative to vote, successfully avoiding the endless messages.
It is true that some people vote and never respond. But one of the best things about this approach is that I haven’t invested anything. I hardly notice if they disappear before we meet.
My method helps repel the wrong people
It may seem like my survey signals that I’m only looking for hookups, but so far, that hasn’t been my experience.
A possible downside is that I live in a major tourist destination, so I often find men passing through on vacation. But that doesn’t bother me.
It reminds me of the years I spent traveling and what a rich life it can be to meet someone you hit it off with right away, even if your paths only cross for a few hours. In fact, a walking date led to drinking that same evening. It went so well that I am now planning to visit her on the third appointment.
To my surprise, some men choose the third option of endless texting. At first, I thought it was their way of jokingly showing that they got my point and were on board. But no. Nine times out of 10, those guys weren’t proactive about dating, so now I ignore them completely.
An unintended benefit of the survey is that it makes me much less of a target for cheaters and married men. After all, the two always have excuses why they can’t meet in real life.
So far, I have met spontaneous doers who prefer to do something rather than just talk about doing it. Most importantly, they actually have time in their lives for dating and make it a priority. All of these qualities are what I’m looking for, and mercifully, they mean I spend a maximum of 15 minutes a week on the app.
Have a personal dating essay you’d like to share? Contact the editor: akarplus@businessinsider.com.
