- I adopted my sons from Ethiopia in 2012 and immediately started saving for college tuition.
- I wanted them to graduate without student loans and have every opportunity to succeed.
- To save, we gave up travel and other big expenses, but we don’t regret it.
When my husband and I adopted our sons from Ethiopia in 2012, we were already behind on college expenses — especially compared to friends who basically started saving as soon as they saw the second line on the pregnancy test.
Our boys were 7 and 8 years old when they joined our family. We missed out on years of making family memories—first words, first day of kindergarten, first loose tooth—and years of adding to a 529 savings account.
After becoming parents of black boys in America, we learned the realities of our country’s income and wealth gaps.
According to data from the 2023 census reports, the median income of white households exceeds that of black households by more than $30,000.
Research on college degrees is murkier. Census data shows that just over 20% of black people have a college degree.
We want our sons to help change these statistics and stories, so my husband and I have rigorously saved and sacrificed for our son’s college education.
We have given up a lot to make sure our boys can go to college
While we’ve taken some epic family trips—to several national parks, on both coasts, to our sons’ homeland in Ethiopia—we’ve also taken many equally memorable low-budget vacations in family members’ cabins just hours from our country. home.
Our living room sectional – an unpleasant monstrosity – should have been donated years ago, and the nights we dine together seem more like McDonald’s than Michelin stars. Instead of expensive hobbies that require a lot of equipment, we choose running (we only need sneakers!).
Looking back, some financial choices carry a tinge of regret. Skipping travel sports teams saved money, and we didn’t push enrichment camps or invest in tutoring. Still, it’s hard not to wonder if those missed opportunities might have opened doors to scholarships or other benefits. While we know we did the best we could with our resources, those “what-ifs” are a pervasive part of parenting for me.
However, we move forward in the present, trying to balance providing for our sons’ future with appreciating the life we have now.
We do not regret these sacrifices
In many ways, our choices don’t feel like sacrifices. We live in a beautiful home in an established neighborhood of the city we love. We own vehicles and have money in retirement accounts. Our parents’ generosity added more money to our college savings accounts than we could have accumulated on our own. As much as possible, we try to recognize our privilege.
Hopefully by getting degrees without the predatory student loans we’ve heard horror stories about, our boys won’t feel forced into undesirable career paths.
Whether they want to pursue an advanced degree, buy a home, or travel, those big loans won’t get in the way of life choices that bring them joy. Just as my husband and I owe our financial freedom to our parents’ decisions as young adults, our choices today can have a generational impact on our future grandchildren.
Our savings are finally coming into play today
Our boys have taken two different paths so far. One explored the trades in high school and began taking classes at a community college while living at home. The other is a freshman at a large public university, trying out dorm life.
They both know we are doing everything we can to help them avoid college debt, but we try to share this without making them feel unnecessarily burdened.
Of course, we want them to have a sense of responsibility too. Over the years, they’ve built up their savings accounts thanks to part-time jobs and birthday and graduation gifts. That money will contribute to their university education and living expenses, motivating them to get good grades, apply for scholarships and keep working.
Today, as I work on the family budget, I think about dollar amounts. But more than anything, I think about the opportunity to rewrite the narratives about inequality that we became aware of when we became parents of black boys in America. If one day my sons use their education to create opportunities for themselves and others, these challenges will have been worth it.
